I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
