please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
