My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
