TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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