I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
