Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
