i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
