it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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