Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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