I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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