He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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