remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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