Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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