woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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