So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
