Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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