You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
