She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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