and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
