arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
