sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
