this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wish my penis had a tongue
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
false alarm, still single
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
