Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
