i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
