dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
