You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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