i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you traded sex for a burrito?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
