I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
