So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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