Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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