and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
