So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
