I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i want to fuck
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it's pretty self explanatory
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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