I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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