Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
