What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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