So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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