Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
