i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Randomize
