if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
