I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
