Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
