i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
