I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The uberlube is also flammable
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
