Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
