Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am available for nakedness
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
