we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
