that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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