I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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