I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
