i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My pussy is not your playground.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
