Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
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