i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
