Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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